Mind Your Own Business

My sister and I discussed an article written by a daughter of a same sex couple.  She didn't start her life that way.  Her parents divorced at some point during her childhood, and the remainder of her rearing years was spent in the care of her mother and her partners.  She was adamant as to the abhorrence of her time spent in that family construct.  She went as far as to say that same sex couples should not be able to have children.  I'm going to say that again.  Same sex couples should not be able to have children.  Why?  She believes that the focus on the legislation that is being discussed by the Supreme Court is misdirected.  She thinks that the children are not the focus of the conversation.  Her thought is that the debate as to the legality of same sex marriage is focused on the selfishness of the adults and the well-being of the children is not.

She has missed a GIANT opportunity to really ring this bell.  She's right.  But not the way you might think.  The conversation needs to be about the kids.  Let's discuss what the real reasons are that children are not being advocated for.  She believes that children raised in a same sex home will forever miss out on the presence of opposing sexes as parental units.  But, does that really make an impact on the success of a child's upbringing?  We can look around our very neighborhoods and see single parent homes.  SINGLE PARENT.  This has nothing to do with homosexual homes.  What about those kids?  Are they not important, too?  Should those single parents be stripped of their children?  If a person is going to stake a claim that the only successful child comes from a dual sex home...well, there are a few holes.

This woman believes that a child of same sex couples will always suffer.  She basically laughs at the idea that a child can come out of that family structure whole.  Let's discuss this.  What is so massively different?  Sure, the obvious lack of dual sexes.  But, there are so many ways that those parents can compensate for the lack of those gender role models.  Doesn't a single mother seek the aid of her brothers, friends, pastors, etc. to fill the void of a father figure?  Doesn't a single father seek the aid of their sisters, friends, etc. to fill the void of a mother figure?  The answer is an unarguable yes.  Even parents that are mother/father, will seek the assistance of others to help them through situations that they may not be able to fulfill themselves.  It's called parenting.  We all get help.  For a couple of generations now, we have adopted the "raised by a village" mentality when rearing our children.  And, GUESS WHAT?  We have made massive strides forward in tolerance and acceptance of others because of it.  As a society, we have become tons more flexible in the things we accept.  Change isn't always bad folks.

The sand this woman has put in my panties is representative of the mindset that prevents the kind of change that makes us a better people.  To say that my sister can't marry her partner and raise good, upstanding citizens is so ignorant and skewed, it is making my head spin.  Without disrespecting her position, she should be able to step outside of her individual experience and accept that not all outcomes match hers.  Yes, there are case by case scenarios where things are not going to pan out with (pardon the pun) rainbows and butterflies, but that is also the case for those living in the straight world.

I am now a divorced mother of three.  I am going to face countless moments in my future where my children are going to lack the presence of their father.  I'm fortunate enough to have an active father in their lives.  But, it is very likely at some point that proximity will be a factor and I will have to accommodate their needs.  It's my job as their mother to supply my children with the fullest of arsenals to prepare them for the world.  The vigor a same sex couple has about their own children will not differ from mine in any way shape or form.  To assume that they're lacking the capacity to provide those same tools is just plain offensive.

The focus on children in this debate can be more fully explored and I wish this were a louder element of the discussion.  What are we doing as a society to improve the outcome of our children?  How are we setting examples for them?  What is the debate about same sex marriage actually teaching our kids?  We have seen many things change over the years.  The need for stronger filtering in our homes is high.  Sex is everywhere.  Kids are younger and younger in their comprehension of things that never occurred to me when I was a kid.  Parenting is hard stuff.  To be so harsh as to think there is only one way to successfully raise a family is difficult for me to sympathize with.  If we've learned anything about raising kids, we've learned that it requires give and take.  New flash:  same sex couples can do it, too.  And hetero couples screw up all the time!

I have written about my position on gay marriage in the past.  It hasn't changed.  The government has ZERO right to define what goes on inside my house.  Or anyone else's for that matter.  What's wrong with the tone in the country right now is intolerance.  On ALL parties.  The simple way to fix this issue, is to take away the legality of how a family is defined.  You define your family.  You decide how you want your children to be raised.  You decide what works and what doesn't.  If we continuously allow louder voices or more powerful deciders to make that choice for you, we are steps away from losing so much more than how we define our family. Churches need to get the hell out of politics.  Politics need to stay the hell away from religion.  The separation of church and state is such a beautiful rule.  Let's remember why it's there.  It's there so that these kinds of debates aren't as invasive as they've become.  It's none of your business what I'm doing in my home, unless I'm building a bomb.