FIRE!

One of our dearest freedoms is that of free speech.  It is one of our defining freedoms.  Lately there seems to be a fine line being drawn as to what is tolerable free speech.  I got into a pretty hot debate a few weeks ago when the news first broke about the rioting in Benghazi and Cairo.  I read the news, Benghazi ended up not being a riot but an all out terrorist attack.  But, in the first days of coverage all we were being told here in the US is that the Muslim communities in more than one country were “outraged” over this video that popped up on YouTube.  My opinion of the video is par with most.  It was ridiculous.  I will never get back the 15 minutes of my life I wasted wanting to know what all the fuss was about.

I don’t know much about the Muslim faith.  From what I have read in effort to remedy that ignorance, I came to understand why this video was so bad.  Living in the United States, I’m used to the constant ridicule of religion.  It isn’t strange for me to see a movie, skit, music video, cartoon, or whatever take aim at a myriad of different faiths.  Our freedom of speech protects the rights of those individuals to express their opinion, regardless of its validity.  

Learning more about the Muslim faith and Sharia Law, the whole issue in the middle east became less of a mystery to me.  I’ve sort of assumed our involvement in things over there had some merit and basically blindly trusted our leaders.  Mistake on my part?  Absolutely.  But, I’ve fixed that ignorance.  I am not going to say I’m an expert on the issues regarding our nation’s foreign policy, but I now understand what the politicians are talking about now.  Let me just say, I feel a lot more informed.  And I believe I’m a much more educated voter.

Ok.  So, this video sparked a bunch of folks to storm embassies around the world.  I read stories about the film maker and tried to make sense of what the guy was trying to accomplish.  At the conclusion of my amateur investigation, I deduced this guy was doing nothing more than instigating fury.  It worked.

As I watched my television screen portray the American flag being burned, a flag of Islam being hoisted in its stead, fires burning, and people screaming and pushing through tear gas, I wondered if what this filmmaker did was the equivalent of yelling “FIRE” in a crowded room.  Now please realize this was the thought process as the story developed.  Our information about the whole thing is vastly deeper today.  

His film was the catalyst to a lot of protest.  His personal belief is “...Islam is a cancer.”  Again, freedom of speech.  He’s allowed to say those things here.  

But, I struggle to support his right, when what he did ended up stirring up violence.  What do you do?  In the name of Free Speech, nothing.  Abhor his choice, but defend his right.  

Caving to violence isn’t the answer.  It would be un-American to punish this guy for exercising his rights.  It’s American to defend them.  

Within days of this whole issue exploding, I read a statement released by a French magazine publisher, giving the public a head’s up there was to be a cartoon spread in their upcoming issue.  That cartoon spread would depict the prophet Mohammad indelicately.  WHAT?  WHY?  read about it here

If you know your words will insight violence, why would you choose to say them?  Is hate speech free?  Should you be able to say and do things knowing the consequences may cost a life or two, or three, or whatever?

The American way of life is the antithesis of Islam.  We gamble, drink, waste, fornicate, blaspheme, all without punishment.  In Sharia Law those are all sins.  Major ones.  Adultery is a big one.  There was a case in northern Mali where a couple who wasn’t married but had children together were stoned to death under Sharia Law.  There are tons of examples of how our way of life is simply unacceptable to their way of thinking.  To them their religion and governing laws are synonymous.  

The United States has been a target for decades because of the differences between us and them.  They want us dead.  Hence, 9/11/01.  Among other instances.  But the attack on 9/11 was the wake up call for Americans.  Just by being who we are, we are targets.  

The fact is, even if tomorrow, legislation was passed that prohibited anti-Islam speech, it wouldn’t change the intent of the extremists.  I’m not naive enough to even think it’s possible for even a second to change their minds.  They hate us.  That’s not going to change unless the entire country converts to Islam.  Don’t see that happening any time soon.  Enter another one of our precious Rights.  Freedom of religion.

In the heated conversation I had regarding the freedom of speech, this is what was said.

Me-  I think this guy should be held responsible for the deaths of those four Americans.  If his video actually sparked this kind of violence, he should be held on manslaughter.

The Other Person (TOP)-  Are you kidding me?  I want to go out tomorrow and make a video saying nothing but how stupid I think Mohammad is and how he’s a pink fairy.  

Me-  Why would you do that?  When you know it’s going to piss off a whole bunch of unstable people?  Do you want to see more violence?

TOP-  It’s my right as an American to say whatever the hell I want to say.  I don’t care if you live in another country.  I don’t live where they live, so why the hell should I be forced to follow their laws?  You don’t give the crazies power by letting them tell you how to live your life.  If I want to say Islam is a farce and the worst thing that ever happened to the world, it’s my right as an American to say so.  

Me-  Hmm.  I would never say anything that I know would create a problem to that extent.  

It went on from there, but mostly just repeating the same things to each other.  But, TOP was right.  Why should we let a group of people dictate how the rest of the world lives?  But at the same time, what can we do to try to curtail the very things that provoke the crazies?  Maybe I am a little naive to think we can all just get along.  I don’t think we’ll ever be able to.  But, maybe sometimes just keeping your mouth shut when you don’t have anything nice to say is a good place to start.

Angel From Knoxville, Iowa

Music has nearly always been a driving force in my life.  Whenever I’ve had any kind of emotional hiccup, I’ve been able to rely on the comfort of various artists to help me through it.  One note at a time.  Even the hardest times in my life, I can name specific songs that have aided me through.

We all have a song or whatever that provokes memory.  Good and bad.  I have a group of artists that will always spark vivid memories of my upbringing.  My parents were instrumental in my musical prowess.  These are the artists that whisk me to my childhood in one or two notes:

Gypsy Kings

Bonnie Raitt

The Rippingtons

Acoustic Alchemy

Pat Metheny

B.B. King

Billie Holliday

Indigo Girls

Al Jarreau

James Taylor

Kenny Loggins

Amy Grant

Take 6

There isn’t a time I’ve listened to any of those artists and haven’t instantly felt the presence of my family.  I’m extremely grateful for that kind of reminiscence.  

My mother had a tremendous love of Bonnie Raitt.  I’m so lucky to have so many wonderful memories of the two of us singing karaoke at various bars in Sierra Vista and belting out our favorite songs.  We bonded intensely over those experiences.  The first time I ever sang “I Can’t Make You Love Me” with her in the audience, she saw pieces of her own desires coming through me.  She was given an opportunity to sing in her younger days.  The days before marriage and kids.  She talked about it often.  When she noticed the same desire to pursue music in me, we connected in a totally new way.  She was the one who drove for hours for a chance to make it on American Idol.  She was the one who supported my silly idea that I would make it on a television show.  We sang the whole 8 hour drive to L.A.  

She even did it again to Las Vegas.  Two of the four times I tried out, my mom was right there cheering me on and hoping just as immensely as I that the judges would see what  I had.  Memories I will cherish until my memory no longer serves me.  I hope that time lasts an eternity.

When I was in my last trimester of pregnancy with Alex, she was in her final trimester of life with us.  My dad, wanting us to see each other despite our inabilities to do it physically, made sure we Skyped or FaceTimed often.  One of the wonderful gifts of FaceTime is the ability to record the conversation.  

It was late and she was tired.  She sat in her chair and chatted with me.  We started talking about music today.  She made fun of Lady Gaga.  She thought the name Gaga was hilarious and kept repeating it.  It was so funny.  Through her shaking voice, due to the tremors in her neck, she giggled about how silly and weird Lady Gaga was.  Then, she fought to remember her favorite Bonnie Raitt song.  She started to shakily hum the melody to help her remember.  I helped her out by starting to sing the song to her.

She started to sing along with me.  Her memory failed her with lyrics, so I just spoke them to her, so she could sing them.  The second verse was her favorite.  The melody builds and emotes.  Fighting her body’s defiance to sing, she forced out the notes to the best of her ability.

Tears fell down my cheeks as she sang.  One of the things that broke her heart the most when she started to get sick was she couldn't sing anymore.  She couldn't control the tremors enough to stay on key.  She cried about that to me more than once.  It frustrated her so much how her body betrayed her desires.

I watch the video of her singing all the time.  It was the last time she ever sang with me.   It was the last time we bonded over music.  

As soon as Bonnie Raitt hit the stage, my heart swelled.  I was so anxious to hear every song that would transport me into the company of my mother.  It took no time at all for that to happen.  About midway through her show, she pulled out her acoustic guitar and stood center stage.  The band sat in the dark as the spotlight focused on Bonnie.  She said, “I want to dedicate this next song to my mother, and her mother, and her mother.  This is for all the mothers.”  My eyes swelled, unknowing what song she was about to sing.  It could not have been more perfect than singing “Angel From Montgomery.”  My cheeks were instantly wet.  I listened to each and every note and didn’t see Bonnie at all.  I saw my mom.  Center stage under a spotlight.  Singing to me.  

Even though my mom wasn’t physically there, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt she was all around me.  I miss you everyday, Mom.

When It's Quiet

When it’s quiet in my house, I get restless.  So many thoughts run through my head.  From the simplest to the abstract, I pace around my house searching for a little reprieve.  I often will settle into a fictional tale and that will suffice until dreams take the wheel of my maniacal wonderments.  Lately my dreams have been nothing short of puzzling.

Frequently, I have read into the interpretation of the subconscious.  There have been many times the things I’ve read have been spot on to what my dreams project.  I have even tried the senseless activity of dream conjuring.  Seems silly even typing that.  But, there are some that believe we can provoke certain types of dreams through meditation before sleep.  I’ve never accomplished that theory.  So it remains just that.  A theory.

When it’s quiet, in my restlessness, I reflect.  The path my life has brought me to is so content, it’s scary.  There is very little in my life to complain about.  Sure, there will always be a material object I crave, but the intangible satisfaction is great.  Never before in my life have I felt this at peace with my world.

I’ve started writing about this over the course of the past year, and haven’t been able to quite put into words how I feel.  The best way to describe my status requires no elaborate description.  Despite this sense of solace, my mind still finds ways to make me feel as though I’m not at such peace.  Maybe my subconscious hans’t quite caught on to my consciousness.  There’s this wariness of the other shoe dropping.  My tendency to over analyze everything apparently doesn’t know how to stop.

Given my history of great loss and massive heartache, I understand my emotional panic mode.  There’s absolutely nothing tragic happening to me for the first time in a long time.  I’ve reached a very healthy place with my grief.  I can talk about those experiences without feeling anxious.  I cannot begin to tell you how relieving that is to feel.  

But, when it’s quiet, there’s this little echo of history resonating in the caverns of those empty places in my heart.  When my mind is given any inch to drift, I quickly find myself paddling against a current so strong, it feels as if drowning is the only escape.  That might sound contradictory to what I just wrote about being in a good place with my grief.  

Part of the reason I’m in this place of contentment, is because I’ve finally learned how to allow my emotions to take the lead when it’s necessary.  I allow myself a little pity party occasionally.  But I have figured out how to know when it’s time to pop the balloons and call the cops.  I’ve learned my limits.  I don’t tempt them.  It’s a daily exercise of restraint.  I work very hard to keep my mind from drifting to those places of depression.  I don’t give more than an inch, because frankly, that kind of paddling is exhausting.

When it’s quiet, I carry on an inner dialogue.  I think about the news, blogs I’ve read, I dream up things I’d like to accomplish, and I remind myself of my potential.  It can all get so convoluted.  Perhaps that is why my dreams are so nuts.  Too much thinking about how I’m going to change the world.  It’s a daunting task when you start to really entertain the notion.

A few weeks ago, I sort of got to tell my story to someone that didn’t really know me.  It’s amazing how much of who you are can be understood when you articulate where you’ve been.  Three days of deep and meaningful conversations would typically sound draining.  For me, it was relieving.  The sense of renewal I felt after sharing so much of myself was intense.

Now, I’m not so egotistical to think my story is anything so incredible, others should want to hear it.  But, knowing at the end of the three days I had one more person on the planet that now knows why I’m, me.  I suppose it was validating in a way.

When it’s quiet, I think about those things.  What makes me who I am.  I get wrapped up in that a little.  Even thinking about just a few experiences in my life, the very paved road behind me is easy to see.  Because my mind tears off into so many different directions at once, it makes it really hard to focus on one thing.  Even if that one thing is sleeping.  I’ll lay in bed and try to turn off the engine of my thoughts, but they’re so all over the place, I can’t even find the ignition.  I’ll try to think about something ridiculous, like meal planning and end up thinking about how I could open my own bakery.  I’m a terrible baker.  But it never fails.  Turning off my brain is hard to do.

***

One day, I’m going to really write a book about my life.  If anything, for me and my lineage.  I’ve collected my blogs over the past five years and reviewed journals I’ve been keeping since I was 8 years old.  Maybe if someone else read the workings of my noggin, they’d be able to recognize why I think so deeply.

I wish all the time for a simple mind.  But at the very same time, appreciate complexity of the one I’ve got.

What in the world is the point of this blog?  Beats me.  Ramblings of my head at 11:00 at night.  I’m no Deepak Chopra, but I’ve got meaningful insight based on my own trials.  I think, very soon, I need to write about how I’ve come to this place.  I’m resilient.  I’m capable.  I’m creative.  Figuring that out has really put things into a phenomenal perspective.  

In all truth, I think this blog is indicative of a person who needs to spend more time with other adults and have some conversations about real stuff instead of ABC’s and counting.  Adult interaction....Yep.  There’s your point of the blog.  Anyone wanna grab a cup of coffee and chat about the wonders of the world?  

2016: Obama's America

When Josh asked me if I wanted to see the film, I initially told him no.  He was a little confused as to why, because I really don’t like Obama.  But, I had to approach a film of this nature with caution and nothing short of skepticism.  I had listened to Glen Beck (who massively pushes this film) interview the creator of the documentary.  I didn’t feel there was much the movie could tell me that I hadn’t already heard.  Then there’s the way I tend to think about things.  I read a few reviews and articles about the movie.  In my reading, I found some of the claims in the film were unsubstantiated.  That raised a few red flags for me.  Call me crazy, but I tend to be a little bit of a devil’s advocate while considering a political situation. 

As I watched the film, I made mental notes of things to fact check.  I already had an idea there would be several things to consider while watching.  First, how valid are the claims the film is making?  For example:  Obama wasn’t interviewed for this film.  No one on Obama’s side was interviewed.  It was a very one-sided approach.  That being said, the film quotes (a lot) from Obama’s book, Dreams From My Father.  Using Obama’s own voice while reading excerpts, I wondered what was being taken out of context to support the film’s message?  The more I watched and the more I listened, I don’t think anything was really taken out of context.  Perhaps, I should read the book.  Probably won’t. 

The overall conclusion of the film was Obama’s need to make his father proud.  Based on Obama’s book, his father was very anti-colonial.  He believed Europe as evil.  So did Obama’s grandfather.  Because Obama wasn’t ever able to know his father, he created an image of him.  Children of absentee fathers tend to idealize their father.  A psychologist addressed this very subject.  He claimed, Obama has a need to honor his father through success and power.  In essence, finishing the dream his father had.

In Obama’s book, he says himself how he decided to choose his friends very carefully.  Those friends ended up being some of the most radical leftist in modern history.  We’ve all heard about Bill Ayers, Frank Marshall Davis, and Rev. Jeremiah Wright.  He mentions these people in his book and of course we know about the relationships through several resources in the media.  The friends he kept help fuel the claim of the film’s hypothesis.  These men had similar philosophies as his father.

I have to insert my own feelings about these relationships.  Isn’t it a little concerning to know our President looked up to individuals who admittedly hate America?  Better still, one of those men was a card-carrying member of the Communist Party.  Why doesn’t this bother anyone enough to change their mind about his capability to lead our country with the best interest of Americans at the forefront?  On the flipside of that coin, perhaps he thinks this is what is best for America.  Based on writings of Obama’s father, he feels the taxation on citizens should be 100% and expresses belief in the imprisonment of the citizens through government dependency.  Hmmm.  Doesn’t quite coincide with the American Dream does it?

Squabbling over the responsibility of the current economic crisis is futile.  The fact of the matter is, something has to be done.  Massively.  Increasing our debt is not an option if the U.S. wants to remain the leading example of the world.  I haven’t found proof yet to one of the final claims of the film.  But, I did read there was an agreement to reduce nuclear armament.  According to the film, we are looking at potentially having 0 nuclear warheads.  All in the spirit of leading the way towards world peace.  Well…I don’t see a lot of that happening around the world.  We have over 5000 warheads, reluctantly released information not too long ago.  The films states Obama promised to reduce that number to 1500.  WOW!

Do I want world peace?  Um, duh.  It’d be great to have a world full of people just going about their lives without incident.  But, let’s be honest.  Never going to happen.  Just read a history book. 

My overall feeling for the movie was good.  It raised interesting points and posed interesting questions.  When electing a president of the United States, full disclosure is not just for the sake of public invasion.  It’s for the sake of comprehension.  Shouldn’t we know who our President is and what he or she stands for?

Do I believe Obama hates America?  Not really, no.  But I do believe he loves a different kind of America than what I want as an American.  It’s my job to voice my opinion in November.  For me the choice is just as clear as it was four years ago.  I hope, for the sake of the future, more people take all information into consideration when heading to the polls.  Voting out of ignorance or fear is simply irresponsible.

After watching this film, I have looked into a number of things.  I’m currently drafting another blog in regards to comparing the two candidates and what they are proposing.  This film has certainly pointed some direction for me to focus on.  I recommend giving it a go.  Go with an open mind or a skeptical one.  But at least give yourself the opportunity to see things a little differently.  What do you really have to lose?  Some of the things introduced in the film shouldn’t be ignored.  Quite frankly, I’m surprised a lot of it has been swept under the rug.  You be the judge on what is important to know about your leader.

Church and Politics

I will be the first to admit I have some bias when it comes to Mitt Romney’s religious background.  It may shock some of you to know, I was raised Mormon.  Though I haven’t been active in church for quite some time, I still have a lot of values in my life based on that upbringing.  Be that as it may, I have frequently pondered how much religion plays into my vote for president.

Reading some of the blogs online regarding Romney’s faith background, I have been forced to wonder why this is such an issue.  Perhaps because I was raised Mormon, I don’t have as much curiosity about the religion.  I forget how obscure the faith is to the general population.  I can’t help to wonder, even still why this is a subject of controversy.  Would people be as uneasy if he were a Jehovah’s Witness?

I think, individually, we would be hard pressed to find a value or element of morality that wasn’t somehow influenced by faith/spirituality/religion.  Hasn’t religion helped form the very core of social decency?  The Ten Commandments have been a resource for laws all over the world.  Those commandments came straight down from God to Moses on Mount Sinai.  Call me nuts, but I think those commandments were pretty good guidelines to live by.  Does it matter to me that it came from an alcoholic that wandered the desert for 40 years?  Probably not.  My point is, for the most part faith based practices typically encourage individuals to live better lives.

I watched a little bit of Bill Maher today and found him to be over the top on the subject of Romney’s religion.  I’m going to finish watching the episode later, but the opinion of Maher is no secret.  He’s fundamentally against any form of organized religion.  OK.  I get it.  But, he goaded one of his guests to bash the religion (which I was happy to see him avoid) to the point of obnoxious.  Overall obnoxious and Bill Maher are synonymous, but I digress.  What’s the big deal?

President Obama has defined his faith as Christian.  He has identified himself as a man who wants to lead his life as his brothers’ and sisters’ keeper, and abiding by the Golden Rule.  He believes we’re saved through the grace of God.  

Mormonism believes the same thing.  Perhaps more people should ask a Mormon about the church instead of rumors and get to the bottom of the truth.  I’m not the authority on Mormonism.  But, I am pretty darn familiar with the doctrine.  I welcome the opportunity to explain things to one willing to hear the answer without an argumentative disposition.  Religion is a personal thing and extremely subjective.

It doesn’t bother me at all what religion any one person is engaged in.  So long as that individual doesn’t force their theology on me.  I’m of the opinion that as long as you’re doing what works for you and helps you engage your life with honor and civility, you’re doing us all a favor.  I was curious if we’ve ever had a president that wasn’t affiliated with any religion.  It was pretty profound to see only three unaffiliated.  Andrew Johnson, Abraham Lincoln, and Thomas Jefferson.  If you’d like to see who was affiliated with what see this link:  Presidential Religious Affiliation

When JFK was running for office, there was a general concern about his relationship to the Catholic faith.  People wondered if the Pope would be running the United States or JFK.  I think it’s fairly safe to say, he ran it.  Nixon was a Quaker.  But, it didn’t stop him from dropping some bombs on Cambodia.  I think we have seen a decent balance in the White House when it comes to personal faith based convictions.  Do I have a problem knowing my President prays?  Hell, No!  I hope he or she does!  I would have a larger problem knowing major decision making was done without deep contemplation.  Prayer is just that.  Deep thinking and talking things through.  Asking for clarity.  Its meditation.  However one defines it, I’m not going to tell anyone how to do it.  

Are Mormons different?  Sure.  Every religion has its quirks.  If we took the time to dissect each religion, we’d find some pretty strange stuff, theology-wise.  But, as I mentioned earlier;  what fundamental values are in our lives that aren’t in some way shaped by spiritual influence?  On the whole, religion helps keep society healthy.  There are certainly extremes.  I’m not a fan of those radicals that bomb abortion clinics.  They’re the best example of hypocrisy.  But just as there are extremes inside religion, you’ll find equal amounts of extremes to the contrary in the form of Atheists.  

I appreciate Romney hasn’t made a spectacle of his faith.  Though I’m sure it feels sort of like betrayal for him.  Ignorance is frustrating and leads people to make irrational choices.  If any one person decides not to vote for him or any candidate for that matter based on their faith practices, they’re doing themselves a disservice.  I feel that the second we have a President in the White House who isn’t humbled by the existence of a higher being, we’ll be in trouble.

I’m voting for Romney for a number of reasons.  Maybe I’ll write a blog about why in the future.  But right now, he’s my guy.  Mormon or not.  But his membership in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, doesn’t hurt.Presidents' Religious Affiliation

LGBT-fil-A

I want to start this off by making myself perfectly clear.  I am in no way, shape or form against gay marriage and the goal the LGBT community is trying to accomplish.  I believe that anyone should be able to marry whomever they want to.  There is no qualm with me when it comes to the legality of polygamy (as long as there is nothing going on that endangers children or the unwilling).  The fine line between church and state is really the irritation in this debate.  Is a union between two consenting adults religious or not?

Recently, it seems there is a new story on the news daily regarding someone coming out for/against the legality of gay marriage.  In all truth:  WHO GIVES A DAMN?  Does it change anything if Angelina Jolie is for or against this issue?  Not really.  Does it create a little more buzz in the media.  Yep.  Other than that, not much else matters what she thinks.  The exact same thing applies with any other individual (powerful or not).  

Even more recently, is the obnoxious issue that has encompassed Chick-fil-A.  Newsflash:  The president, Dan Cathy, probably should have just kept his politics to himself.  Since he ran his mouth, the spotlight came right down on him and revealed a lot more than probably would have been, if he had remained private.  For example; the company has donated millions of dollars towards efforts to keep gay marriage illegal.  I’m fairly certain he’s feeling a little silly right now.

But here’s where I get beyond irritated.  What about the other companies?  Are people really naive enough to believe that this is the only company that works diligently to support their political views?  According to this there are a bunch of companies they’re encouraging the LGBT community to boycott.  

Like:

Auto Zone (does not offer domestic partner benefits)

Cinemark Movie Theaters (gave $9,999.00 to “Yes on 8”)

Dish Network (discriminates against their employees based on their sexual orientation and refuses to carry LGBT cable networks.)

Check out the link and see what other companies are being outed.  So, if you’re going to be all pissed about one company, may as well be consistent and go all out.  Why single out one company?  Why aren’t any of the other corporations being highlighted by mayors, community leaders, etc.?  Don’t pick and choose who you’re going to support or persecute.  That is when you become a hypocrite or one who lives by a massive double standard.

But I’m not finished.  Would you be just as shocked and frustrated if you found out about a company discriminating against women?  Or how about companies who only hire attractive people for their stores (Abercrombie & Fitch, Victoria’s Secret, etc.).  There’s not a whole lot of proof with those listed theories, but one must only go into some of those kinds of places and see what kind of discrimination is going on (Abercrombie & Fitch just got their butts handed to them in a lawsuit.  Look it up.).  On an application, it doesn’t ask:  On a scale of 1-10, how hot do you think you are?  You can opt out of race related questions.  There are a lot of laws in place to prevent employers from outright discriminating, but it doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen.  In fact, billions of dollars each year are paid to former employees who claim discrimination.  Sixty-four billion to be exact.  Take a look at this!  And that’s just in the LGBT community!  

Another infuriating aspect of this conversation is the lack of tolerance.  One community is demanding equality and a voice, the opposing is asking the exact same thing.  Neither is willing to allow the other a voice.  Honestly, the ones getting the most attention are the ones who come out and say:  I believe marriage is between a man and a woman.

Are they not allowed their opinion?  While you may not think the same thing, does that make them wrong? So, Sarah Palin goes to Chick-fil-A, poses for a picture, and posts it one the internet.

Outrage ensues and sparks a whole new debate.  How insensitive of this pinhead who doesn’t matter anymore!  Who does she think she is, sticking her nose up at the folks who have perpetuated such advocacy?  How dare she voice her opinion, by supporting someone who may share her views?  It’s outrageous she goes and uses her celebrity to back a philosophy she believes in!  She should be ashamed of herself.  (I hope at this point, you’ve noticed my tone of sarcasm.)

What I’ve learned lately, is you’re only allowed to have an opinion as long as it’s on the right (popular) side of the issue.  If you don’t agree with the loudest group, than you’re sure to become a pariah.  No one ever heard of Dan Cathy before this whole thing got coverage.  Before these past few weeks, he was just a man running a multi-million dollar company, financially supporting things he believes in, and living his life to the standards he feels most comfortable to live.  Does that make him a bad person?

I’ve shied away from blogging about politics, because I tend to live by a set of standards unpopular to the masses.  I’ve toiled over this subject particularly because of how it actually affects me.  The truth of the matter is:  IT DOESN’T!  Just the same as how my marriage has absolutely no merit on another’s.  Until the married couple down the street starts forcing me to live their way, we are all just moving through life the best way we can.  I have family members I care deeply for that a part of the LGBT community.  One is flamboyant, while the other is more passive in their lifestyle.  The ONLY thing I want for them is their happiness.  If they feel that they want to be married one day to a member of the same sex, I support their desire and endeavor for such joy.  Who in the hell am I to stand in their way.  I want them to be happy.  Period.

The only way for this matter to really be settled is by leaving marriage alone all together.  Do I enjoy the fiduciary benefits of my marital status with the IRS?  Um, duh.  Who doesn’t want to pay the government less taxes?  But, if giving up those few hundred dollars a year will help ease the social tension, I’m on board.  In the meantime, we have to just agree to disagree and stop turning this debate into a sword against each other.

The tone of our society these days is just plain sad.  While, I can understand the plight some individuals feel being a homosexual, it really isn’t necessary to further the animosity we’re feeling towards each other as a Nation.  There’s no reason to HATE anyone because they don’t see things exactly the same way as you do.  

The very core of what made our nation great from the start was the need for individual freedom.  You do you.  I’ll do me.  As long as we’re not killing each other, vandalizing, stealing, or hurting each other, things should move along just fine.  Government has become far too much of an influence on our daily lives.  It’s reached a point of invasion.  Politics have become more of a religion than a support to the success of the individuals.

So.  I’m not going to boycott anyone.  For any reason.  The plain truth is, it’s far too likely I’ll find everyone I patronize will have an opinion I don’t agree with.  I still need toilet paper, haircuts, food, and gas.  How in the heck is boycotting going to help fund our economy?  We are in dire straights and the last thing we need to be doing is stopping the slow moving progress we’re trying to make as a country.

But, you’ve got your freedom to believe, pray, love, think, however you want.  Why not try letting others who have the exact same freedoms, do the same.  

Bullying The Bully

There's little doubt you've seen the video of the school bus monitor being bullied by middle school students.  If you haven' t watch it here.

It's ten minutes long, and I was only able to survive a few minutes.  Since the video went viral, there have been several news shows that have interviewed the victim in the video.  A 68 year old woman named Karen Klein.  As a result of the exposure, a large sum of money has been raised to "give her a vacation or help her retire."  More than half a million dollars was raised for her.  There's no word yet as to whether she'll accept the money.  Honestly, I believe she shouldn't accept the funds.  I think it would be best if she donated that money to a group that helps inner city kids with self esteem or a group that helps kids become better adults.  We'll see what actually ends up happening.

Lots of blogs have popped up on the internet in response to this atrocity.  Folks have focused on where the blame lies.  Parents?  The kids themselves?  What sort of punishment is proper for the kids that were in the video?  Surely, we've all got our opinions as to what should happen.  

One blog posted on Yahoo caught my attention and quite frankly irritated me.  Here's the article:  read it here 

This frequent Yahoo contributing blogger criticized Mrs. Klein, stating she wasn't doing her job.  It is the blogger's opinion the 'adult' in the situation should have taken control of the kids and shut them down.  My question is:  What would you have done?

The hostility of the kids in the video is appalling.  They said some incredible things that in all truth were best left ignored.  If Mrs. Klein has decided to engage the kids, I believe it would have only made the scenario more (though hard to imagine) grotesque.  These kids threatened her with violence.  They used such obscene language, it actually made me uncomfortable.  How do you diffuse that kind of behavior?

I think she was incredible for not enduring the length of ridicule without losing her cool.  The only thing she said was, "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all."  To which the kids told her to, "Shut the f**k up."  To me, that was all I would have needed to hear to realize any further interaction would be counter productive.

She probably could have placed the kids at the front of the bus, and put an end to the direct fire of their behavior.  Obviously, she did nothing but sit their and take blow after blow instead.  As a result of her endurance, we as the public have been given a huge window into the behavior of kids.  A microscope has now been placed on the ever growing issue of bullying.  For a while, we've been focused with child on child bullying.  How often have we thought about these kids having such a total lack of respect for other people, age doesn't matter.  Nor does an individual in a place of authority.

The greater focus to me, how involved are these' kids' parents?  In one interview with Mrs. Klein, she believes the kids that attacked her most likely behave a completely different way in front of their parents.  While that is very valid, I have to wonder how present their parents are.  I certainly behaved differently at school than I did at home.  I'll tell you why.

My dad would have whipped my ass if he ever caught me talking anything like those kids.  No adult at school would whip my ass.  Now, I was also respectful of my teachers and those who oversaw me.   Did I talk about the ones I didn't care for?  Absolutely!  But never in a million years would you have seen or heard me attack a superior like that.  Because I was taught to respect my elders and those responsible for my safety outside of the home.  So, what are the parents NOT doing with these kids?

Turning the other cheek during this incident was the BEST possible choice for Mrs. Klein.  I applaud her for not reaching out and smacking the kids.  I hope this whole thing has created an opportunity for parents to discuss with their kids, the proper way to behave.  If any one of those kids were mine, you probably don't want to know what I would do as punishment.  Nothing physically violent.  But they'd more than likely need therapy by the time I was done.  Which I would gladly pay for. 

The Yahoo blogger that thinks Mrs. Klein wasn't doing her job, is a moron.  Her job was to ensure the safety of the kids.  How rare is it that situations like this arise?  So, Ms. Ayers:  Go volunteer for a week on a bus full of 12 years olds.  Get some perspective and I'll await your retraction.

Psycho Mom

As a parent, I want to desperately keep my children, well, children.  It has been a challenge lately because my daughter is now a teenager.  There’s this weird need for balance.  I want to give her some freedoms to help teach her responsibility, choice and accountability.  The only way for any of us to learn is through our own mistakes.  She needs the opportunity to make those mistakes.  But, the protective mommy in me wants to shelter her from growing up too fast and I tend to do things for her that I really ought not.  Hence the necessity for balance.  Figuring out the proper balance is nothing short of a science experiment.

Particularly when pertaining to the internet.  When she turned 14, my husband and I spun our hamster to death thinking of an appropriate gift.  Initially I wanted to get her a Kindle.  She’s into reading and I know how much I enjoy my iPad while reading, so I thought that would be a good gift.  Josh agreed that was a good idea, then he had the brilliant idea:  a laptop.  My first thought was, PERFECT.  Then I started to think about what opportunities it created and I shuddered.  

Part of her birthday gift was to be taken off her nearly year long punishment.  She epically failed last summer with her cell phone.  EPIC.  I’m still recovering from her massive show up stupidity.  It is that stupidity that scared the crap out of me when thinking about giving her access to the internet with the very real potential of her being stupid when we’re not looking.

We sat down and talked about it as a family.  We told her what we were giving her and what rules there were going to be.  They included the following, but are subject to expansion should her interests change:

1. No internet after 9:00 pm unless she’s in the presence of me or her dad.
2. Facebook is permitted.  However, each and every friend will need approval from us.
3. Nothing will be deleted from the computer.  Her dad or I will do it.
4. All messages on Facebook are to be left for us to see.  Nothing will be deleted there either.
5. The only adults she’s allowed to be friends with on Facebook are friends with her dad or I.  Period.
6. Absolutely NOTHING will be downloaded without our approval.

I’m sure there will be more added as she becomes more savvy with her usage.  In the meantime, the point we expressed was how much privacy she has.  None.  The real point of giving her the laptop was to help her out as she starts her first year of high school.  These days it’s nearly a requirement to have a computer of some kind.  The selfishness in me got tired of sharing my laptop with her.  This gift has become the biggest level of compromise we’ve ever taken part in with her.

It has also become a huge opportunity for her to show us her maturity and responsibility.  I was explicit when I told her the consequences of any failure to comply.  I will take the laptop into the driveway and repeatedly run it over with my car until there’s nothing salvageable, while she watches.  Psychotic?  Don’t care.  It will bring me zero joy destroying money.  Which is what I’ll ultimately be doing.  

Admittedly, there was a little nervousness in our approach.  I sort of felt like we were being too strict.  Of course, we gave her no indication of such.  But, like I said, this is the age where you have to give them a little more room to roam.  I’m just not ready to move the pasture fence too far away from the house just yet.  I have to remind myself everyday to calm down.  

When giving teenagers the freedom to troll the internet, you’re setting yourself up for a rapid introduction to adulthood.  Not to say the teenager is going to suddenly become a grown up just because they can get online.  It’s the exposure to things that are premature.  I hope she’s comfortable enough to talk to us about things she’s reading/viewing/hearing that she’s affected by.  Facebook alone can introduce her to things she may not be ready for.

It’s the fight to keep her young and naive.  Those days are so numbered.  I know she’s being exposed to tons of things at school whether I like it or not.  Starting high school next year, that’s going to multiply faster than she can keep up.  I can’t keep her in a bubble.  I guess I just want to control what she’s exposed to as much as I can actually control.  

So far, she’s been behaving.  She’s so thrilled to have access to things all of her friends have had for a while.  I completely understand feeling left out or behind.  She’s all caught up now...for the most part.  She’s complying with the rules and she’s asking me all the time about approving friend requests.  It makes me happy that she doesn’t seemed bothered by the rule.  Phew!

I recently came across a conversation between a teenager and his parent regarding their privacy online.  The teenager had an account with tumblr.com that his dad came across.  The teenager immediately flipped out about his dad reading things he’d posted and proclaimed it is his and private.  I didn’t get into the conversation immediately, because he’s not my son.  Instead I listened to see how much alike the dad and I are.  Turned out, nearly identical.

The dad continued to read his son’s site and saw things his ‘followers’ were posting.  One user had made several references to suicide.  The dad asked his son who the user was and how he knew them.  The user was a teenage girl that went to the same school.   Perfect opportunity to explain why privacy is a bad thing for teenagers sometimes.

He said:  What if she actually killed herself?  Her parents wake one morning to find their daughter hanging from the closet and they are completely unaware of the reason their daughter decided to end her life.  Later they look on her computer and discover she’d been talking about suicide on her tumblr account.  They are then left to feel nothing but guilt the remainder of their lives.  They will think they’d done the right thing by giving her privacy and space.  What then?

The son, at this point has been rendered speechless.  There was a moment given to consider all just said.  The teenager, being bullheaded and well...a teenager, still managed to rebut.  I waited for his justification after a well made point.  He said his tumblr account was a source of venting his frustrations anonymously and saying things he’s not comfortable saying aloud.  He asked if his dad would read his journal.  He likened his tumblr account to a journal.  Therefore opening up the conversation of how private the internet actually is.  I pounced.

If you don’t want anyone to know what your innermost thoughts are, perhaps you shouldn’t put them on the most public resource.  There is a level of anonymity online, but as you just showed, you knew who the girl was that was posting suicidal thoughts.  How anonymous is that?  

Here’s what sucks about being a teenager.  You’re old enough to know better.  But you’re not old enough to be fully responsible for all of your mistakes.  Ultimately if a teenager does something wrong, it all gets reflected on the teen’s parents.  Almost instantly people will wonder where the parents were when things go wrong.  There’s only so much privacy a parent can give their teenager without it all coming flying back in their faces.

During this conversation, I explained the position I have when it comes to my daughter’s internet access and usage.  It may all sound insane and overbearing to a teenager, but in the long run, it’s really for their own benefit.  Another thing that sucks about being a teenager.  The tunnel vision.  All they see is being stifled.  It sucks.  Deal with it.  The years are incredibly short when high school starts.  It goes so fast!  But its the hindsight of the adult who gets this.  Explaining it to a narrow minded teen is like trying to teach trigonometry to a toddler.

I vividly remember being 14.  As I reflect back to that time, it makes me a little weary to realize that only 3 years after I finished 8th grade, I became a mother.  The perspective I have about being a teenager is intense.  Emotional, really.  I desperately want my daughter and son to enjoy high school to its fullest and stay young during the whole thing.  There’s the rest of life to be a grown up and honestly, it sucks a lot of the time!  How often do we wish, as grown ups, to be 17 again?  Free from the responsibilities and monotony.  

I fully intend on the next four years to drive me insane.  I’m going to fight with my daughter at every turn.  The more she becomes aware of the more she’s going to want to try out.  We’re not going to agree on the things I’m will to let her try.  I just hope we don’t kill each other.  Or one of us ends up in jail.  I’m going to be all in her business.  Whether she’s aware or not.  She’s going to develop integrity via force.  I want her to be wary of being caught doing something wrong to help keep her from doing it.  Fear.  It’s a nutty psychological power.  One I fully intend to exploit.

But you can be certain if my daughter starts to experience any of the cyber bullying, I’ll know about it.  If she starts to post things that concern me, I’ll know about it.  I will be involved in everything she does as much as possible.  I’ll allow her the space to chat with her friends and vent.  But, the second it crosses any line, that’s when I’ll be the parent she needs.  It is my job to protect her and nurture her.  It is my responsibility to develop a good adult.  It is my job to make sure she’s happy with who she is and confident in the things she pursues.  I cannot do my job properly if I’m giving her too much privacy.  Privacy is not a right when you’re a minor.  It’s a privilege.  One that can all too quickly be revoked. 

Neener-Neener

Neener-Neener

Perhaps because our memory is kind to us, occasionally we’ll forget things.  The selectiveness of a memory block is difficult to explain.  Honestly, there doesn’t seem to be much rhyme or reason.  There are things I vividly remember that I would give anything to not.  Somewhere in the grey of my memory, preying like a tiger, are memories that merely need a trigger to remind.  Then there are the memories so deeply buried, hypnotherapy is the only potential way of unearthing.

Our subconscious has this magical ability to protect us.  An equal capacity to maim.  I’ve said many times how insane the human brain is.  I’ve always been nothing short of fascinated by psychology.  Why I haven’t spent more time in school to feed my interest, is too silly to answer.  It wasn’t until a conversation recently, I recalled a memory that I had buried.  For good reason.  But the relevance of the experience came up and I was brought to a new comprehension to a tone of discussion heavy around all of us.

I recently blogged about how ridiculous we girls are to each other.  In that blog, I shared a conversation my mother had with me, I passed along to my daughter.  Jealousy.  A few weeks ago, my daughter was talking to me about how thrilled she is to start high school.  I can remember vividly the excitement I had at her age.  But then she told me she was nervous.

I told her she’d get over the nerves fast.  All she needed to do was be patient and wait for familiarity to take over.  Then she corrected me.  It wasn’t fear of the school so much as it was fear of a girl.  Hmmm.  

Earlier this year, my daughter was nothing short of bullied.  We dealt with this girl to the best of our abilities, which is unfortunately waiting until something happened.  Which it never did.  We counseled her as to the most mature way to deal with a jerk and eventually the jerk got herself into enough trouble to get herself kicked out of the school.  

Now it seems, my daughter is terrified of seeing her at her new school next year.  She went on to say how uncomfortable she is with the idea of being anywhere without her parents.  There was a carnival in town recently and she had no desire to go with any of her friends for fear of running into this girl.  I felt terrible for her.  She kept this fear to herself until this conversation.  There was literally nothing I could do for her.  

The show, Glee, lately has become more or less a PSA.  I’ve talked more than once about how it isn’t entertaining anymore.  I found myself asking if things are really as bad as this show is portraying?  I’m not going to say I’m oblivious to the current tone of bullying, but I honestly never witnessed anything as severe as the show does in my own experiences.  I’m not so dumb to say, “I didn’t see it, so therefore it’s never happened.”  That’s ridiculous.  But it does drive a little wedge in my comprehension.

I’ve paid closer attention to messages in programs geared towards the adolescent to see if there’s a consistency.  There really isn’t any.  Glee really is a driving force of information.

Reevaluating this subject, I came across my own experiences of bullying.  I don’t recall ever being a bully.  If I have and you believe yourself to be a victim of my bullying, please accept my deepest apologies.  But I did have a few girls that gave me hell the first year of high school.  One experience in particular was catapulted from that grey area of my memory.  Talking about my opinion of Glee, snared that tiger.  I guess there was bullying when I was 14.  I just chose to put it away.  It was by no means a long term thing.  I wasn’t truly picked on for any significant period of time.  But the entire first semester of freshmen year, I dreaded going to gym because of one girl.  Eventually I stood up to her and put an end to the whole thing.  

It took a tremendous amount of courage to do that.  However, it empowered me and I grew from it.  I started to grow a spine and gain the self worth and confidence necessary to survive high school.

I realize finding that kind of strength amidst constant belittling is impossible.  One’s self worth becomes nothing.  Healing that kind of damage is so hard.  For a person to admit lacking self worth is a process in itself.  

My point?  I’m not really sure.  I wonder why things are the way they are all the time.  I watch the news and get enraged to hear what is happening.  Why?  Where have things gone so awry that the news has become so increasingly dire?  I have a few theories.  I have fingers pointed in very specific directions.    

Coming from a large family and having my own little family, I have learned so much about what directly contributes to making a person who they are.  I’d like to believe I’m fairly insightful in pegging things amiss.  When it comes to the subject of bullying, I find it to be an easier cure than anyone is even talking about.

Saying simply:  Be nice, is just not practical.  Do you remember being taught ‘hatred begets hatred.’  It’s learned.  These bullying kids are either being taught through example or not being corrected.  Ever.  I am telling my toddler all the time to ‘be nice.’  He is learning what that means when he’s petting a dog or cat.  He’s being shown to share and it’s consistent.  Somewhere along the line, we’re not teaching those principles anymore.  

It isn’t the responsibility of the school faculty to enforce good behavior.  They can only discipline the bad behavior.  It is our job as parents to teach our children the importance of being kind.  Not just saying to be kind.  We need to be actively teaching them what that means.  There’s so much negative reinforcement working against the parental unit.  It seems daunting to even try.  But we have to.  At some point the parents of the kids taking to their facebook pages to ridicule each other, have to step in and really teach them why it’s wrong.  If we don’t, they will more than likely learn it all the hardest way.  Via Karma.

As annoying as Glee has become for me, it has certainly brought to my attention something I didn’t really have a clear focus on.  So, I owe them a little apology for blasting their intent.  Obviously, the need is there.  Parents need to play a far more active role in their kids’ lives as they go through their teen years.  It’s awful.  It is our job to make sure they’re as safe as possible.  It is our job to know every little detail of their lives.  If we don’t know who all of their friends are, who all of their ‘enemies’ are, how they’re doing in each subject, who their teachers are, etc. we are failing as parents.  And we are therefore contributing to the demise of this future generation.