During my college class days, I particularly loved my philosophy courses. The art of organized, thought provoking, articulation satisfies the depths of my being. Having such passion for words, engaging in a course of study specifically designed to broaden the answers to simple questions like; what do you do?, quite frankly, was nothing short of a spiritual experience. Being reared by an often painfully deep parent, thinking broadly wasn’t foreign. However, after I aced the classes, it revealed an entirely new range of that breadth. It birthed a perspective that ironically brought me closer to my dad. I understood the way he processed information. Reaching the treacherous summit of my dad’s perspective made me a different kind of student of the human condition. Considering all of this now in this context, I am recognizing that it’s this chapter of my growth that has directly supplied me the framework to come across as wise. Trust me, I’m just good with words. Wise? No. I am merely an attentive student.
What do you do? The weight of four words is purely individual. Is your first answer to consider providing, related to your profession? I would venture a guess that is exactly what you thought. Because for some reason what we “do” is identified as our job. The trigger for me with this question is my natural inclination to answer with an essay about who I am. Which I can see the very different intention of the question. What I do...is who I am. What I do is part of several pieces that equate to the sum of who I am. Therefore, I don’t want to answer the question so flippantly and indirectly shape a perception of who I am.
Have I lost you, yet?
Stigmas. There are professions that automatically start a narrative about you. If I were to tell you I flip burgers at McDonald’s, what is the split decision you make about that job? Now, what if I tell you I’m an attorney? We can’t help it. Over the past couple of years when I answer that question, I’ve gotten less specific. Instead of saying I’m an IT Services Division Chief, I say I organize chaos. Totally changes the instant stigma doesn’t it? Now the person asking has a choice. They can accept the answer and be comfortable making their own assumptions or ask a follow up question to have clarity provided. Just like that, a more meaningful dialog has potential. Even if it’s a five minute chat, the exchange could have more impact.
Of course, there is a time and place this question and answer session should be utilized when brevity isn’t a factor. Meeting someone at work and establishing an occupational context of what I do wouldn’t exactly be an appropriate time for me to wax philosophical. But, meeting someone for drinks that I would like to get to know...boom. Game on. I don’t want to immediately get lumped into a box of theories as to what makes me, me by saying I work in IT. God, truly, my job is very nerdy. Only fellow nerds want to hear about the details of my job. I talk to them...AT WORK.
2019 ended with my babies cuddled with me on the couch. No drinking. No screaming. No hangover. As we counted down the clock, I realized it couldn’t have ended any more beautifully than it did. What I do, was staring me in the face with innocence and thrill. My two baby men, glowing with joy, exhibited the evidence of what I do. What I have done this past year has been the most monumental to date. I couldn’t be more proud of this world I’ve created.
I learned a lot last year. Professionally, spiritually, mentally, and physically, 2019 inspired me.
I fell in love with my kids. I dug a few feet deeper in my understanding of loving unconditionally. My daughter and I were tested and not only passed, but strengthened. My children have always been a way to trigger me. The fears I have of failing them or losing them in any way manifested last year so profoundly that it landed me in the hospital. They aren’t my weakness, they are my power. What I do: I parent.
I achieved goals. Physically, I am not just pleased with my work, I’m at peace with the vessel carrying around this giant brain and heart. Mentally, I earned another professional certification. I took on large responsibility at work that forced me to elevate. Professionally, I learned my resume is only an introduction to my capacities. I have been very fortunate to receive the opportunity to prove that. I was healthily mentored and trusted to mentor. What I do: I persevere.
Spiritually I redefined. My serenity is a prized possession. I think the notion of calling myself “calm” is laughable. Having active anxiety and depression opposes true chill. But, there is absence of mania. There is structure to my depression and anxiety. My spirit and my emotional deficits have figured out how to be symbiotic. There’s a whole separate conversation I could engage on that dynamic. The most significant outcome of my own version of peace has been the ability to tap into song writing. Many of my song writing sessions have brought tears of joy to my eyes.
What I do: I grow.
The last decade has had death, divorce (twice), two cherished children, career, art, travel, family, ....life. Lots and lots of living. I can’t wait to see what happens next.
