The Close

Friday, March 7^th dad was pleasantly surprised by the arrival of all three of his brothers.  Though he knew all week that his brothers were coming, his confusion and disconnect over that week prevented him from remember who was coming when the day came.  It was awesome to see his face light up with pure joy as he soaked in the faces around him.  That was the last time we got to see him smile.  That night, he slipped into what is his final stage.

He hasn’t been coherently awake since Friday night.  He hasn’t eaten since then either.  His body is weak and tired and very uncomfortable.  He spikes fevers daily that are becoming increasingly difficult to control.  His lungs are full of fluid and when he breathes, it sounds like a toddler blowing bubbles into their chocolate milk.  He wakes up intermittently to adjust his weary body.  His eyes are blank and lost. 

Given the state of his being, I’m not sure how long it will be before his body quits.  It is very hard to watch him breathe, as it is no doubt a significant struggle.  I have the ability to get him comforted through medication, but unfortunately there is only so much I can do to completely control that.  About every two hours, he stirs and moans in discomfort and pain.  It takes a little while to get him resting again. 

Joel and Rachel have been my diligent nursing assistants.  They take turns sleeping in the living room with him so they can watch him and so he sees them when he wakes up.  This is a difficult thing for all of us to watch.  We are in this perpetual state of limbo as we watch our father fight to stay here.

At this time, what is best for us is to be left to grieve and spend these final moments with dad.  There has been an outpouring of support and folks that want to come visit, and we appreciate all of it!  His state is volatile and moment-to-moment.  We are making every effort to keep the house calm and quiet for him.  In the coming days as we approach the close of this, we will be more inclined for visitors and I will let you know when we will be ready for that.  In the meantime, I hope it doesn’t offend anyone that we would like to be closed in for a bit.

These past months, dad has mentioned individual people that he has been impacted by.  It has been wonderful to reminisce about happy times and memories that lasted.  Having him back in Sierra Vista has sparked a lot of wonderful thoughts for him.  Being back in the house that he and mom were last healthy in has also been a source of great joy.  The folks that have come to see him have given him emotional warmth that has been invaluable.  Thank you to those who have made the time to share a minute with him.

We still have our fundraiser open for those who wish to help out.  The overall intention of the fundraiser has been to help support us through his transplant phase.  Since that has gone by the wayside, the focus of that will be to help Joel and Rachel finish high school, prepare for adulthood, and provide some emotional support.  No pressure whatsoever, but anything given is received 10 fold in gratitude.

If you have any photographs of my parents and or father, please email them to me.  We have a lot of pictures, but there can never seem to be enough.  Looking through our family’s history via pictures has been so much fun and helps bring us to see the beauty of so many wonderful experiences our family has shared over these past 34 years.  Seeing our family through the eyes of another’s lens is so neat, so please share what you have!