Angel From Knoxville, Iowa

Music has nearly always been a driving force in my life.  Whenever I’ve had any kind of emotional hiccup, I’ve been able to rely on the comfort of various artists to help me through it.  One note at a time.  Even the hardest times in my life, I can name specific songs that have aided me through.

We all have a song or whatever that provokes memory.  Good and bad.  I have a group of artists that will always spark vivid memories of my upbringing.  My parents were instrumental in my musical prowess.  These are the artists that whisk me to my childhood in one or two notes:

Gypsy Kings

Bonnie Raitt

The Rippingtons

Acoustic Alchemy

Pat Metheny

B.B. King

Billie Holliday

Indigo Girls

Al Jarreau

James Taylor

Kenny Loggins

Amy Grant

Take 6

There isn’t a time I’ve listened to any of those artists and haven’t instantly felt the presence of my family.  I’m extremely grateful for that kind of reminiscence.  

My mother had a tremendous love of Bonnie Raitt.  I’m so lucky to have so many wonderful memories of the two of us singing karaoke at various bars in Sierra Vista and belting out our favorite songs.  We bonded intensely over those experiences.  The first time I ever sang “I Can’t Make You Love Me” with her in the audience, she saw pieces of her own desires coming through me.  She was given an opportunity to sing in her younger days.  The days before marriage and kids.  She talked about it often.  When she noticed the same desire to pursue music in me, we connected in a totally new way.  She was the one who drove for hours for a chance to make it on American Idol.  She was the one who supported my silly idea that I would make it on a television show.  We sang the whole 8 hour drive to L.A.  

She even did it again to Las Vegas.  Two of the four times I tried out, my mom was right there cheering me on and hoping just as immensely as I that the judges would see what  I had.  Memories I will cherish until my memory no longer serves me.  I hope that time lasts an eternity.

When I was in my last trimester of pregnancy with Alex, she was in her final trimester of life with us.  My dad, wanting us to see each other despite our inabilities to do it physically, made sure we Skyped or FaceTimed often.  One of the wonderful gifts of FaceTime is the ability to record the conversation.  

It was late and she was tired.  She sat in her chair and chatted with me.  We started talking about music today.  She made fun of Lady Gaga.  She thought the name Gaga was hilarious and kept repeating it.  It was so funny.  Through her shaking voice, due to the tremors in her neck, she giggled about how silly and weird Lady Gaga was.  Then, she fought to remember her favorite Bonnie Raitt song.  She started to shakily hum the melody to help her remember.  I helped her out by starting to sing the song to her.

She started to sing along with me.  Her memory failed her with lyrics, so I just spoke them to her, so she could sing them.  The second verse was her favorite.  The melody builds and emotes.  Fighting her body’s defiance to sing, she forced out the notes to the best of her ability.

Tears fell down my cheeks as she sang.  One of the things that broke her heart the most when she started to get sick was she couldn't sing anymore.  She couldn't control the tremors enough to stay on key.  She cried about that to me more than once.  It frustrated her so much how her body betrayed her desires.

I watch the video of her singing all the time.  It was the last time she ever sang with me.   It was the last time we bonded over music.  

As soon as Bonnie Raitt hit the stage, my heart swelled.  I was so anxious to hear every song that would transport me into the company of my mother.  It took no time at all for that to happen.  About midway through her show, she pulled out her acoustic guitar and stood center stage.  The band sat in the dark as the spotlight focused on Bonnie.  She said, “I want to dedicate this next song to my mother, and her mother, and her mother.  This is for all the mothers.”  My eyes swelled, unknowing what song she was about to sing.  It could not have been more perfect than singing “Angel From Montgomery.”  My cheeks were instantly wet.  I listened to each and every note and didn’t see Bonnie at all.  I saw my mom.  Center stage under a spotlight.  Singing to me.  

Even though my mom wasn’t physically there, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt she was all around me.  I miss you everyday, Mom.