Sacrifice and Compromise

For every action there is an equal opposite reaction. Scientifically you can show example upon example of that fact. In relationships it is a little less obvious. At least I think so.

Marriage these days is treated with such frivolity. So many couples simply give up when it gets hard, or annoying, or not easy any more. Isn’t that the point? Aren’t we supposed to grow as individuals in marriage? Being able to evolve as a person and still keep a marriage strong is a testament of personal caliber.

I’ve been married for nearly 13 years. You will be hard pressed to find a couple married 13 years at my age (30). The rarity of my marriage is almost the source of our vendetta to keep going. Making it this long together has been nothing short of taxing. The road to longevity isn’t smooth and unwinding. Quite the opposite. But being able to stay on that path together through it all is an achievement worthy of recognition.

We all have friends who complain about their spouses. Whether it’s a man whining about the constant nagging of his wife or a woman bitching about not being paid enough attention by her husband, we hear about it. As good friends we do our best to support the person doing the said complaining and try to give advice to keep them together.

Because I have been married since I was 17 years old, I have had friends tell me I don’t know what it’s like to be in the dating phase of a relationship. I’ll tell you right now that couldn’t be more false.

I met my husband when I was 16 years old. He graduated from high school and left for boot camp. The next time we saw each other, I was 3 months pregnant and we were engaged. The time I saw him after that was at our wedding. He left for Korea for a year unaccompanied tour 6 weeks after that.

While most couples have a honeymoon phase the first year of their marriage, we were thousands of miles apart doing completely different things in our day-to-day. I was a new mother, essentially single. He was trying to be a husband in a foreign country. Needless to say, when we were reunited we were strangers.

The second year of our marriage was actually our first year of dating. We didn’t know each other. We didn’t really know each other when we got married. All we knew was the fantasy of teenage romance. Completely unrealistic and ridiculously off base. We had a lot of catching up to do. Over the course of the next three years we worked really hard to figure out if being married to each other was the best. It was a constant ebb and flow of uncertainty.

Remembering how our travel to today has been, testifies to the people we are. It couldn’t have worked without sacrifice and compromise. Constant sacrifice and compromise. Our relationship has evolved into a unity dependent of each other. I can’t imagine how my life would be without him. I’m assuming things are the same for him. At least I hope he can’t imagine his life without me.

The more time we get under our marriage belt, the more we understand what to do and what not to do in order to maintain the dynamic of our relationship. I think that is extremely vital. With so many years spent figuring each other out, we better have things under control at this point.

I believe the key to our longevity is the compromise and sacrifice we do. Because I know that’s what has worked for us, I can’t help but think the same philosophy can be applied to all marriages. All marriages start with at least a level of respect, understanding, and mutual affection to make each person want to spend the rest of their lives together. Cultivating those basic elements strengthens the couple. So many lose focus of what got them married in the first place. Find it, fix it, make it better. Stay married.

Women should give a little more. Men should do the same. When both give a little, they get a little. Compromise. Women should let a little more go. Worry about the things worth getting worried about. Men secure your woman. She’ll worry less. Sacrifice the selfishness a little bit and the rewards can be substantial. Look at the bigger picture. Pull yourself outside of the moment and see the cause and effect of the choices you make. The little bickering fits aren’t the big picture. See the big one. That little bicker is usually the indicator of the bigger problem. Fix the bigger problem and sometimes those bigger problems have a very simple corrective action.

I am grateful for the hard I’ve had to remind me of the easy I have now. My life isn’t without it’s complexities, but it sure makes them easier to manage when I recognize the big picture. It’s always more than just me, especially since I’m not one person anymore. All I do, say, think, feel directly affects my partner. Knowing that has helped me keep the proper perspective...and kept me from divorce.